‘Dark Shadows’ and Bad Jokes

Posted in Wes Craven Status with tags , , , on May 18, 2012 by hollywoodclassified

So, I’m not completely sure what’s up with Johnny Depp and Tim Burton films lately but they have not been up to par. Especially their latest one: Dark Shadows.

The beginning was superb, it explained how this whole curse got started. And after that the movie just gets lame and awkward. I’ve never seen the show from the 70’s but I heard the effects were lame and the show was low-budget. Financially, this movie was maybe better than the show. But, the basis and such? I’m not sure.

Throughout the movie, its not bad but its rarely comical on purpose. Some jokes work and some don’t. The whole two hours is just kind of wasted sitting there.

And the ending was very confusing. I didn’t understand it. It ended the movie on a somewhat good note but I didn’t expect it to end so abruptly and leave so many things unexplained. The witch comes in and takes credit for the family curse but it doesn’t give anymore background than that.

And this is one of those moments in life where I should’ve listened to my mother. She said ‘Let’s see the Avengers’. Mother was right.


‘The Avengers’ is the Dream Team!

Posted in Anonymous Status with tags , , , , , on May 16, 2012 by hollywoodclassified

Please excuse the cheezy headline but this movie really is amazing.

At first I thought that this would be a lame movie, did you see the movie poster? It didn’t seem to have a good flow to successfully combine all the stories into one epic battle. In theory, this movie could not have been this good.

But it was!

This movie was so awesome!

It was packed with comedy and action and the way they introduced the characters on by one so you can see all of their strong skills was perfect. Sometimes the script didn’t make sense, but the only people that would notice would be the die-hard comic book fans who probably still loved the movie as an original piece anyway. Unless they got really mad and began posting hateful comments about it on their blogs…much like the Hunger Games controversy, which was stupid. But that discussion is for another time.

Anyway, back to the greatest super hero movie ever made. Now, my favorite character is Tony Stark because he’s so arrogant and funny, the way he interacts with all the other characters by either undermining them or just blasting them aside is a piece of art. Thor is also a great character because he starts off as a cocky warrior and discovers what he is really meant to be. Each character discovers what they are meant to become and do with their lives, the only issue is that working with each other is a nuclear hazard.

Of course, in the end, they all get along with each other and agree to become a permanent team. Because no one saw that one coming.

My biggest tip if your going to see this movie? STAY TILL AFTER THE CREDITS! And Google the main evil-villain-master person. It will make so much more sense and will leave you begging for the next movie. If they’ll make one.

‘The Raven’….Where?!

Posted in Wes Craven Status on May 6, 2012 by hollywoodclassified

Who doesn’t know the gruesome and extraordinary tales of Edgar Allen Poe? The Masque of the Red Death. The Fall of the House of Usher. Annabelle Lee. Also, the Raven.

Needless to say, the basis of this movie is not an enigma, Poe’s stories have come alive by a mad man and its up to him to solve the puzzle. Similar to something like the ‘Da Vinci Code’ if you must relate it to another movie.

However, this movie holds a certain…unstable quality. Which makes it closer to ‘Tinker tailor Solider Spy’ than the ‘Da Vinci Code’.

For the entire movie, your lead through a whirlpool of characters that do not have anything to do with the storyline. I was unsure of which characters were actually important and which ones did not matter. Also, throughout the whole movie there is not a main person of interest for these crimes.

First you think its this guy, then that guy, then finally your left.





The last thought to cross your mind before the credits flash onto the screen is ‘…what the (whatever phrase you use when your surprised) just happened?’

Then, as ALL the latest Hollywood films do, it is set up for an extension. Sadly.

James Camerons’ ‘Titanic’ Goes On and On and On…and On.

Posted in Fight Club Status with tags , , , on April 11, 2012 by hollywoodclassified

James Cameron may not be the most creative, talented, or respected director in Hollywood but he did an incredible job on Titanic. The amount of dedication and research he put into this film makes it better than any other Titanic movie ever made.

Of course when you look at A Night To Remember and the Titanic with Catherine Zeta-Jones…you see some pretty obvious similarities between these two films and James Camerons’ version. And when I say similarities, I mean scene for scene similar. So…looking back on the Titanic with Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet we see the true meaning of the Titanic…men die first. It’s inevitable. I’m sorry to the male population but blame Cameron not me.

And what better way to further his obsession than with a sequel? Well, not really a sequel of the story he created but more of a Documentary with some of the same people from the 1997 movie. Yes, another 3D film to make Cameron an insane amount of money. And yes, I did contribute to that. And now we have another of his documentaries of the infamous ship but now he’s answering questions like: why are there open windows? Why did it break in half? Why did it sink? What could’ve make his multi billion dollar movie even better?! So I guess it wasn’t a quest for knowledge but more of an investment so he can recreate another Titanic movie. And yes, I recorded this new documentary on TiVo. I haven’t watched it yet.

Although I just tore this movie up, I have to say that seeing it in 3D was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had. I can’t believe 3D can be that good! But it was, I’d definitely see it again just for the effects.
In conclusion, James Cameron has no original ideas, no honest straightforward opinion, and is severely over rated but the amount of time he puts into the visual aspect of his work is something that should be awarded.

‘Journey 2’ Not Too Much

Posted in Wes Craven Status on February 18, 2012 by hollywoodclassified

The Rock is epic.
Michael Caine is a legend.
Josh Hutcherson is a good actor.
Vanessa Hudgens is….there.

And the story?

The story is about this kid (Josh) who wants to find this island and his stepdad (Rock) agrees to go with him. And along the way they pick up people and almost die four or five times, make a miraculous escape despite everything, and everyone lives. The end.

I don’t like to critique kids movies because their supposed to just catch their attention long enough for their parents to get stuff done but this movie was not that bad. It had action, adventure, and it combined knowledge of books which I think will get more kids to read the old books like ‘Treasure Island’ and ‘20,000 Leagues Under the Sea’.

I definitely recommend this for kids to watch, its a really interesting environment that they put the movie in.

Adults will find it … well, they won’t like it. But I think it will get their kids to pick up a book and see how accurate things are. Not that it will happen to every kid but I still recommend this movie.

Just not 3D because 3D sucks.

‘J. Edgar’ Or Whatever You Want To Call Him

Posted in Fight Club Status, Tinker Tailor Solider Spy Status on February 9, 2012 by hollywoodclassified

So this movie is about the career and private life of a man ‘who would do whatever it took to protect his country.’ In other words, he would obtain evidence illegally or if he couldn’t find anything he’d make it up.

Throughout the movie you hear about his life through his eyes as he goes through quite a few ghost writers for his biography. Although the ghost writers only hear of his business life, the audience watches his personal life as well.

But at the end is a minor twist of the truth and how Hoover actually was.

Now I could write pages upon pages of personal dislike for his methods of obtaining information but I don’t have enough time.

Leonardo DiCaprio is a good enough actor when it comes to unusual roles, but this one is just plain weird. Personally, I am not a fan of Hoover…or DiCaprio for that matter. Both seem a bit pretentious to me.

However, if Hoover is an ideal patriot in your eyes. By all means watch this movie. But if you don’t like him; your disdain will only increase.

‘Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol’ … Just MI4…

Posted in Anonymous Status, Fight Club Status on February 3, 2012 by hollywoodclassified

Ok, let’s get rid of the elephant in the room. Tom Cruise is a bad actor. There. I said it. Moving on.

However, he has amazing talent as a stunt man to compensate for his bad acting.
The story is about saving the world from mass destruction, blah blah blah. Which no one saw coming (sarcasm…extreme sarcasm).

I believe the most popular scene in the movie is when the MI4 team checks into the hotel in Dubai (designed by Giorgio Armani). And Tom Cruise climbs and swings down about eleven stories. From either 103 or 130 stories from the ground. It’s an incredible scene with a great comedian flow to it, combined with the stress from watching it.

But it includes the best parts of a spy movie:
1. Glamor
2. Culture
3. Fast Cars
4. Exciting Location
5. Awesome Spy Gear

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. Definitely better than the previous films and should be a highlighted project in Tom Cruise’s career.